Desert Man and the RQ (Relaxation Question).

Damn. I'm already starting to overthink blogging.

Anyway, the relaxation question. I was about to say that I was making an effort to relax. Or maybe that I made no effort to relax today. I forget which. But it occurred to me, that no effort should be put into relaxing whatsoever.

One of the reasons I find it so hard to relax is due to my engagement with world events. I would honestly like to give no hint of my politics - I do lean a certain way, but my domestic politics aside I'll say this: I'd prefer for there not to be any international conflict. I see international conflict as possible and whenever that's the case I get anxious.

But today, I don't know if I relaxed or not honestly. I did the dishes and that was an enjoyable activity. I liked the order it brought to the world. I emptied the dishwasher and not only that but I hand washed and dried the dishes that were dirty and I put them away. I think that was the highlight of my day.

Then I went with my mom and brother to the outlet mall. I tried on some clothes and in fact, my mother bought me some clothes. I don't love trying on clothes. I am overweight and I hate that. I should say that I'm mostly overweight because I drink too much. I exercise often - not strenuously but often. And I eat ok. But I drink too much. Nevertheless, I got some good clothes. And I am not as overweight as my brother. But that comparison doesn't make me feel good. It makes me feel bad. For my brother.

The outlet mall was teeming with people. Mostly Mexicans. At the store I got my clothes from there was an extremely cute young woman. She was being very nice to everyone, including me. I love it when people are nice to me.

We went into a store that was for children, with stuffed toys everywhere. Stuffed toys bring out the best in my family. We love animals and other cute, furry things - we're cat people. It was a positive experience, the toy store. It allowed my brother and I to get an Easter present for mom.

When we got back I engaged in bad habits - sitting in bed, looking at pornography (which I think is awful), doing nothing. And now here I sit, drinking again.

I want to give up drinking but I don't. It provides as much comfort as anything in my life. Maybe the solution is embracing discomfort.