As mentioned, I have been searching for a job for quite a while. During this search, I have been living with my mom and dad. It has not been the proudest moment of my life but others have said I should not make such a big deal out of it. Who are these people? I don't recall. Maybe I have invented their voices to make myself feel better. Alternately, I may have minimized their voices because I love to maximize drama. The drama of being a big loser living with his parents. That is the kind of narrative I would amplify.
As mentioned, I have found a job. As mentioned, it is not in my field. What has not been mentioned, it is at a company to which I have many family connections. I did everything I could to get this job. But I also believe I might have gotten it no matter my qualifications and effort. So it is hard for me to celebrate the hire based on merit - as in, "Wow, I worked so hard, I am so smart, I got the job." But I am happy to celebrate the fact that I am finally going to be employed.
My dad promised he would take me out to our favorite restaurant if I got a job. He made good on his promise tonight. And my brother, having come down for Easter, went with us. And while I was being toasted for my success, my mom couldn't resist also toasting my brother for some lesser success. And it made me very upset. And I showed it. And everyone at the table (my brother excluded) took exception to that. But I didn't flag in showing that I was upset that my brother must also be honored at my dinner - at my dinner, no matter how small the occasion. I wanted to be honored and honored fully. No apology was extended to me. And I felt slightly ridiculous. But I think it was the right thing to do, to stand up for myself.
It would be hard to go into the history of my brother's monopoly on the family's emotional energy so I won't. I have always had less drama. And I feel that my life's subservience to my brother's issues has meant that I must hide who I really am. And today I have some real issues: crushing debt and problem drinking - and I hide them. And I hope those things will go away. And maybe they will. But maybe they won't. Only time will tell.
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